The Trump Effect is Affecting You
Even where you think it isn’t.
It doesn’t take psychological studies to know The Trump Effect is a thing. (Though there are many.) Just look around. Friendships are fracturing. Hate crimes are on the rise.
Some prefer to believe The Trump Effect is not a thing. Disagreeing with the existence of The Trump Effect doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. People who are afraid of diversity and agree (on some level) with the hateful rhetoric that is popping up everywhere deny its impact. “Correlation does not equal causation,” they might say. Or they might simply say “nuh-UNHH!”
I worry about those people, but not as much as I worry about the folks who are aware of The Trump Effect and deny its impact on their own lives. They point to what’s going on around them and on the news as evidence of how hateful rhetoric infects society in a multitude of ways, but may believe their own households are impervious its effects.
I know people who are in relationships where both partners agree on politics yet are suffering from an increase in stress and friction in those relationships. It doesn’t take a behaviorist to explain this: the news is freaking people out. People who are stressed may sleep less, or be more irritable, or be distracted by whatever is stressing them. As a result, a lot of people are bringing their anxieties home where they rub off on their relationships.
Maybe they don’t want to talk. Maybe they can’t talk about anything other than politics. Maybe their fight or flight response is triggered by current events, which makes them fearful of the vulnerable moments that make up a healthy relationship.
(Note: I’ve been listening to Brené Brown’s “The Power of Vulnerability” this past week, and it has influenced my thoughts on all this.)
For example, opening up about anxieties is a vulnerable moment. Initiating romance is a vulnerable moment. Opening up to vulnerable input from a partner requires vulnerability to receive. Basically, anything situation where a person puts themselves “out there” is at odds with a state of fight or flight.
When people stop putting themselves out there in their relationships, they disengage. Few relationships can tolerate recurring or long-term disengagement. For some, the fight or flight responses began as Hillary and Bernie were knocking each other down while Trump was gaining momentum. For others, it began when Trump continued winning primaries. Somewhere in early 2016, the impact of politics on relationships really began in earnest, and it hasn’t let up since.
This is not a partisan problem. Democrats may feel they’re the only ones suffering from The Trump Effect, but it really goes both ways. Conservatives feel under siege for their beliefs, and the stress of feeling like they’re under attack from liberals triggers the same prolonged fight or flight response that liberals feel every time Trump lies.
I’m trying to set aside my political beliefs enough to recognize that today’s political climate is messing everyone up. If people are too stressed, wrung out, defensive or any other emotional state to allow vulnerability with their loved ones, the whole problem gets worse. With no emotionally safe place to recharge, we all disengage more from the warm parts inside ourselves. Our optimism is suppressed, and we’re less able to imagine positive outcomes across the board.
On this Election Day Eve (November 5, 2018), I encourage you to take a look at your close personal relationships and how they have fared over the last two and a half years. If those relationships have suffered, that could have happened for any number of reasons. But to think that what’s going on in the world has nothing whatsoever to do with those struggles is to be dishonest with yourself.
The outcome of the 2018 midterms is going to exacerbate this emotional disengagement for a bunch of people. You may find yourself feeling better on Wednesday than you have recently, or you may feel much worse. Take stock of how things have been in your inner circle now so you can be more aware of how things are different Wednesday.
